Question by tubbytabs224: Can someone make my story better?
I write stories all the time but this one sucks! Can anyone make it cooler? I don't mind if you change things. This is not 4 school.\
?
Prologue
As the storm raged though the quiet town, havoc lie about. As I now believe what I saw that day was real, I shudder at the mere thought. I sat at my desk drawing demonic pictures in my notebook. Ryan stood next to me his had touching my cold shoulder. Could life be full of demons and monsters that invade your mind? I found that out two years ago, on a night just like this. Demons and monsters do exist with humans. I shut the book and looked up at him. He nodded expressionless. We walked out the door of my room. An eerie chill surrounded us. My breath shown in the air. We opened the sliding door and walked out to the bitter air. Shadows danced along the walls. Ryan slowly dug a hole in the moist grass and we buried the pictures and a journal.
Chapter 1
“Gah!” I cried as a huge tarantula lay dead on the stoop. My dog wagged its docked tail happily. A black and brown Rottweiler sat before it. “Good Celica, good girl!”
“Woof!”
“I can’t speak dog, but Woof! To you too,” I giggled. The doorbell rang loud and clear through the quiet house. “Coming Ryan!” Ryan had been my friend from the fifth grade, now in our first year of high school, we could take anything.
I ran down the stairs as fast as I could. Leaping two-three steps at a time. “No!” I cried as I could not stop in time and hit the stain glass door. “Uhhh,” I whimpered as I slowly slid down the door. Ryan laughed, practically rolling down on the pavement. “Oh shut up,” I whispered.
I opened the door with a scowl on my face. “Jerk.”
“Not my fault little speed demon went to fast! You need to stop! Ha! Where was the murderer?” Ryan giggled, “Oh, oh I still have more!”
“That’s enough! What did you want?” I tapped my foot impatiently. Ryan looked down. He was tall and skinny. He had brown hair that was always a mess.
“Oh? Right! I wanted to see if you wanted to see Crazy Monster of Doom 3, at my house.” He waved the movie in my face. It had a picture of a man with no eyes on the cover. Ryan and I had always been murder geeks.
“Fine, I’ll abide. Only this once. Holly!” I called. My little sister came bounding down the stairs. She had long brown hair and was six years old.
“ Ya?” She said stopping at the bottom of the stairs.
“ Can you feed Celica for me?” I asked dropping down to her size.
“Yes. She’s my dog too you know!” she giggled. “ Have fun with your boyfriend!” she called when I ran out the door with Ryan.
“ He’s not my boyfriend!” I yelled back angrily. My face became red. Ryan looked over and laughed.
“ Hey why don’t you go out with me?”
“ Well let me think. It would be way too weird.”
“ Hu? I don’t think so.”
“Well I do! So let’s be friends. Only that,” I pleaded.
“ Fine,” he turned his head away and walked away.
I pondered my thoughts for a moment. He had always been there for me. What am I doing?
“ Wait!” I called franticly running towards him. Graceful was something I wouldn’t describe myself as. I tripped over a rock and fell face first on the cold cement. I balled my fists and cussed.
“ Well what do you want now?” He asked helping me up.
I said nothing but stood up and kissed him. His eyes were open wide for a long while.
“ So you want to go out….”
“ I guess that is a yes!” He cried flinging his arms around me.
A loving sensation overwhelmed me. Every part of my body screamed yes! This is your chance! But my head said no, he can’t be the one.
We walked hand in hand to his house. It was an old Victorian, just like mine. The grass was home to at least twenty types of weeds and bugs.
His parents were never home and could not afford a gardener. The parents were Olympic winners, and for Ryan it was hard to live up to. He could not run, much less than run a marathon, his legs were too long and the rest of his body needed to do some catching up.
He opened the door with a creek. I walked inside kicking off my soggy shoes, they slammed against the wall loudly. I looked around to see if I had damaged anything.
“ Come on! The movie won’t wait forever!” He called walking up the stairs. I followed. Down the hallway we went, surrounded by pictures of Olympic wins. Finally the last two photos were different. It was of him and his family sitting on the couch laughing. The other was of Ryan and I, sitting on a bench, eating ice cream. This was four years ago.
I sighed, I saw these every time, but why did it bother me.
“ You coming’,” he asked.
“ Ya. Be in, in a sec,” I quietly turned and walked into the room. I looked over my shoulder at the picture one last time.
The room was very warm, almost immediately I began to sweat.
“ Sorry,” he said, “ before I left I forgot to turn off the heater.” He walked over to the little grey box on the left wall and hit ‘OFF’.
“ Now are you ready for Mayhem!” He yelled happily jumping in my face. He jumped over to his TV and p
Best answer:
Answer by jesus luvs u, but im his favorit
to be honest... stopped at the prologue, the writings not bad but all i could think of was twilight twilight twilight. i am glad it is about demons rather than vampires but yea... also dont like the use of the word giggled, i think it has negative connatations and it puts me off a little.
did just read the paragraph and i did find myself engaged, i do want to read on, but yea maybe just make the prologue a little less twilighty and take out the giggled lol, work it!
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